THIS IS AN EXTRACT OF A CONVERSATION I HAD WITH A FRIEND ON SKYPE

  • (He runs a lot)
  • Him: I'll never be a great athlete
  • Him: Like
  • Him: I'm so fucking tired
  • Him: My butt hurts
  • Him: My ass fucking burns from yesterday's workout
  • Him: It hurts to sit
  • Him: DAMMIT
  • Him: MAKE IT STOP
  • Me: This
  • Me: This could be interpreted in such great ways
  • Me: But I'm gonna stay respectful
  • Me: And not make any joke about what you just said
  • Him: What
  • Him: HOW
  • Him: I DON'T UNDERSTAND
  • Me: YOU DON'T WANNA
  • Him: TELL ME NOW
  • Him: PLEASE
  • Me: Dude, just
  • Me: Just reread what you just fucking wrote
  • Him: I did
  • Him: SEVERAL TIMES
  • Me: JUST
  • Me: UGH
  • Me: DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT
  • Him: THAT IS WHY I AM ASKING
  • Him: DAMMIT GABE JUST EXPLAIN
  • Me: ...
  • Me: Lets just say that just because I'm a grey ace doesn't mean I can stop from seeing twisted sexual innuendos everywhere
  • Him: I DON'T SEE WHAT'S SEXUAL ABOUT MY ASS HURTING FROM A WORKOUT
  • Him: EXPLAIN
  • Him: I HATE NOT KNOWING THINGS
  • Me: You
  • Me: YOU JUST FUCKING SAID IT YOURSELF
  • Him: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat
  • Me: ARE YOU DOING THIS ON PURPOSE
  • Him: NO WHAT THE FUCK MAN
  • Me: NO WAY DUDE I'M LAUGHING
  • Him: WHY STOP IT
  • Him: YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL DUMB
  • Him: I'M GETTING SAD
  • Me: HOW ARE YOU NOT SEEING IT
  • Him: SEEING WHAT
  • Me: GAY SEX INNUENDOS
  • Him: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
  • Me: WTF YOU CAN'T BE THAT INNOCENT
  • Him: WHAT THE FUCK
  • Him: I'M NOT INNOCENT
  • Him: I'M NOT A CHILD TO BE PROTECTED
  • Him: THAT'S YOU
  • Him: WITH YOUR INNOCENT ALABASTER CREAMY WHITE SKIN
  • Me: THEN REREAD YOUR FUCKING MESSAGES
  • Me: Also what the fuck
  • Him: I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING
  • Me: ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND
  • Him: MY BUTT IS SORE BECAUSE I WORKED THE MUSCLES TOO HARD
  • Him: I DON'T UNDERSTAND
  • Him: JESUS
  • Him: JFC
  • Him: Holy God
  • Him: UNHOLY LUCIFER
  • Him: COULD YOU PLEASE STOP MAKING FUN OF ME AND JUST SPIT IT OUT
  • Me: Dude no
  • Him: WHY
  • Him: ADRIEN
  • Me: BECAUSE I'M STILL WONDERING WHETHER YOU'RE JUST BEING GENUINLY BLIND TO ALL THOSE STUPID POTENTIAL JOKES
  • Him: I AM LITERALLY BEGGING
  • Me: OR IF YOU'RE JUST SHITTING ME
  • Him: HOW THE FUCK COULD MY BASIC TOOL OF A SORE ASS BE SHITTING YOUR ALMIGHTILY INTELLIGENT BRAIN RIGHT NOW
  • I ALREADY SAID I'M A SHIT ACTOR
  • GET OVER YOURSELF AND FUCKING TELL ME
  • Me: God I wish you could see the wiggly eyebrows I'm making right now
  • Him: TELL ME
  • Me: Just
  • Me: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST DUDE
  • Him: I WAS BEING A WHINY BITCH
  • ABOUT MY CURRENTLY FLAMING ASS
  • Him: WHAT
  • WHAT
  • WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY ABOUT MY BUTT
  • Me: DUDE
  • Me: I AM SO POSTING THIS ON TUMBLR
  • Him: NO
  • Him: HOOOOOOOOLY FUCKING SHIT DON'T YOU DARE
  • Me: Dude when they post comments you'll probably get that fucking joke
  • Him: I KNOW YOU WERE IMPLYING I HAD A MEAT ROD SHOVED UP MY ASS
  • POUNDED LIKE A PROSTITUE
  • DON'T DO THAT
  • Me: ...
  • Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
  • Him: Nope Nope Nope
  • Him: Don't do that
  • Me: THIS WAS MAGNIFICIENT
  • Him: OH MY GOD
  • Him: IF MY PARENTS SEE THIS
  • Me: DUDE THIS IS COMEDY GOLD
  • Him: ...
  • Him: Just don't mention my fucking name